In a place that is warm and dark.

If you haven't seen how my heart really looks like. This is it. It's already like this before I met you. Before I decided to pick up all the pieces, get them glued altogether and give it fully to you despite that it looks ugly and mechanically dysfunctioned.

Who says I have a beautiful and healthy heart? Never was. Not happening.

A single turbulence will make it weaker than it has never been.

The post- break up.

Logo ain't just a logo.

Let's make it a bit more intriguing and understandable.

It was Thursday's eve, and a guy walked into a 7-Eleven Mart nearby his residential area. At the counter . . .

Guy: Hey, there.

Girl: Whaa-at the? You again?

Guy: Yeah. Well, it's been a while since I last saw you.

Girl: Should you really care? Enough with that. We're so done.

Guy: No, I'm not done with you yet. I never will.

Girl: Then, what the fuck are you doing here in my workplace? It's been weeks already. Go away and fuck yourself! *showing her middle finger which is censored in the logo*

Guy: Then, why the fuck I'm here for? To buy myself a soap from your workplace so that I can fuck myself multiple of times with your absence!

Panic Room

In my opinion, I see a relationship is like "a room" and there has always been a doorway in a relationship. A doorway that makes you enter, and leave whenever and for whatever reason you want. It always opens and anybody can come in and out of your life without prior notice.

You paint the room with any colors you want that fits both desires or you just let it be a white painted room. Expressionless, empty and dull.

You fill in with things or let it be as empty as your hearts are.

The important part is, actually. The doorway.

You need someone, who will drag you into this very room. Make you fall with whatever she/he saw. Help to make it's the most comfortable zone for you two.

The more important part is, you need to have a partner who wants to share how you can improve this room and stay for however long that is possible. Maybe she/he can promise you how to make this room a bigger place to stay in. Or transform it into a house.

But the most important part is;

It is best to have a lover who in the first place dragged you into this room

and every single time you feel lost, and something's missing and when that happens; you wish to escape, he/she is there to quickly chase after you to slam the door shut. Not letting you walk away just like that. Making things harder than you thought it'd be.

Someone who won't easily let you make the doorway to your room an EXIT doorway.

Someone who will make you believe over and over again, that you belong with her/him in that room.

If she/he is too wild, stubborn and uncontrollable to insist on escaping.

Chasing is just not enough.

Lock the door and keep the keys. Please.

You know, it's your "room" after all.

The last time I checked, I am still in a "room" with my "roommate" of course. Heh.

She loves me not?

If you have been spending the night out with your friends and family, chilling. Cracking jokes and having a whale of time while she's stuck at home, doing mundane routine during holidays and wishing she could talk to you on the phone and you wake up hours later only to discover that you should have given her a call but she's already went upset about it and you feel miserably guilty. She loves you.

If she keeps your shirts and wears them to sleep until the scent of you no longer is there and returns them back to you so that you'll give her a new shirt for her to sleep in with. If she asks you what perfume do you use and sprays it to her clothes knowing it costs you hundreds to buy that. If she likes your surprises, she always does. If she never plays pool and you try so hard to teach her to bend her fingers. If she tries to be funny when she's not. If she trips over something and she falls. If she buys you an over sized tee. If she loves sniffing your neck like a little hamster and adores the way you smell; She loves you.

If she goes snooping around your room and steals your childhood picture and comes across your drawings and favorite comics. If she demands to have a breakfast in bed with your little bro's Koko Krunch instead of an omelet. If she hates how bright your room is during daylight. If she lets you to sleep on her tummy when you absolutely are double her size; She loves you.

If she makes faces when you tease her of how she obnoxiously sucks playing arcade and ends up playing dumb games instead with you. If she lies to you about not wanting that caramel popcorn during movie hour and you believe in her. If she asks you to be silent in the movie theater when you make weird noises and make fun of the ghosts. If she points out to cute kids in public and how she loves them. If she thanks you for saving her from being hit on the road a couple of times due to her carelessness. If she sleeps with you in a cinema watching an absolute action-packed movie like G.I Joe; She loves you.

If she tries to sing to you a song yet she often forgets the lyrics. If she doesn't know who Jenni Lee was when you mentioned about her before. If she throws that ticklish purple ball to scare you in Toys R Us and chases you around with that. If she gives you that puppy look when she wants something. If she chooses over Tiramisu instead of Banana Choc Cake in Secret Recipe for you. If she hides under the dashboard, actually scared when you verbally and facially making yourself look like a rapist. If she orders you a menu when you refuse to eat. If she criticizes your favorite drink at William's when she finishes half of the big glass. If she fills up her thumb drive with loads of songs she wants you to listen to. If she writes 3 pages of mushy love letter with ugly handwritings completed with a trashy romance novel language. If she constantly writes about you and how you mean to her. If she reads up to you her own diary before she goes to bed. If she draws a fake tattoo of your name on her arm; She loves you

If she's able to read your mind and says the exact things you're gonna say. If she tells how she's been gaining weight and how insecure she is with her body. If she grunts at you when you take a long time to decide. If she cries and screams alternately on phone when she's in a tormenting pressure and calls you back to apologize and does it again the very next minute. If she asks you to teach her to drive. If she makes a few lucky shots of basketball and she defeats you for that particular night. If she sends you a very long romantic text message. If she hangs up on your phone calls when she's mad at you. If she points out to a kissing couple on the escalator and you kiss her for that. If she calls you just to tell that she's hungry and gives u a list of her cravings; Heaven, she loves you.

If she confesses to you how much an ass she was before. If she spills to you of how much vulnerable and in pain she was with her past relationships. If she is not afraid to tell how ugly her past lives are to you and you unconditionally do not judge her. If she is interested of how your ex-girlfriends treated you. If she's willing to accompany you doing your task despite that she's half asleep. If she wants to meet up with your brother or any of his family members. If she tells her girlfriends of how much you guys keep on fighting over silly things. If she sees a Nike ad and your name is everywhere on the menu. If she shares the same pillow with you. If she calls you with sweet names that sometimes a man can't take it. If she tries to explain when she did you wrong. If she laughs so hard knowing you sometimes watch kiddie shows on telly.If she scribbles your name everywhere in her lecture notes. If she skips multiple of classes just to see you; She loves you, man.

If she assumes that Bruce Springsteen is a band and if she does not listen to the oldies as much as you are. If she laughs with your new invented words. If she corrects your grammar like a grandma. If she picks up a movie for you to watch because it resembles your story of life. If she plays cards when she is not really into it. If she does not remember the lines in that movie and you always do. If she posts an angry and mellow status on her Facebook. If she stalks your page hundreds of times. If she googles up your name and found yours in a blah blah internet bussiness forum. If she makes you mad on your birthday and did not give him anything except a crappy dedicated video. When you drool over Blake Lively and Scarlett Johanson and she feels a pang of insecurity; She must really love you

If she shares secrets only with you. If she loves reminiscing of how you guys meet up. If she keeps saying that you're so tall and it makes her feel giddy. If she kisses your hand in the car a couple of times. If she sleeps on your laps while you are driving. If she drags you to kiss her under the rainfall. If she eats ice cream and stains your shirt. If she tells her own brother that she wants to marry you. If she questions why you never did propose to her as your girlfriend before. If she forbids you to call or text her when you irritate her. When she can't take your jokes and is battered by it. If she hurts you with her sarcasm and you couldn't careless. If she asks you to walk away from her life but you never did; She definitely loves you.

If she checks up on your zodiac sign regularly and tries to understand your personality, and finds out that she has better match for compatibility but fits with you best by many aspects. If she tries to reassure you that she is this loud and impulsive because she can't change herself or she never changed for anybody. If she gives u a list of songs for you to listen to everyday. If she sleeps under the same blanket facing the stuffed animal you give to her. If she fights with you, she writes how sorry she is in her journal and talks to that stuffed animal asking him to convey how badly she misses you instead of swallowing her pride and talk to you. If she tells you that her friends hurt her. If she destroyed her simcard when you guys had a fight and you refused to talk to her. If she cries alone in bed, missing you. If she complains of how she wishes her skin is as flawless as yours. If she nags at you of how stubborn you are to spend on her food and to accompany her home in the train. She loves you still?

If she ever says the word; 'I hate you' and you never did. She still loves you. Regardless she did hate you at one point anyway. If you sing her "Everything" by Michael Buble and she sings you a Barney song. If she cooks for her family and she promises to cook for you. If she plans to escape to Europe with you and be with you only. If she speaks funny languages with weird pronunciation and you laugh over it. If she hasn't showered herself and she looks miserable yet you still call her beautiful. If she hates buying drinks in a glass at her hostel cafe and you have to change it for her. If she hardly finishes up her meal and you have to for her. If she goes all high and nauseous over hookah, you lend her your shoulder. Yes, she does love you.

If she loves you. If she really loves you. You'll know it.

If you can wake up next to her, and found her helplessly curled in your arms and you have never felt that better without having to think of another thing, if she kisses your eyes and stays awake watching you fall asleep silently.. and if you catch her staring at you while you focus on your driving. If she asks you stupid questions and gets on your nerves. If she keeps the movie tickets you guys went together safely in her purse. If she complains that she's the only girl in her siblings and she wishes she had a sister. If she goes to a pet shop with you and she tells you that she wishes her parents let her keep a rabbit. When she sheepishly admits that she's more to a daddy's girl. If she calls you and cries telling she fights with her dad and the fact it makes her sad and..how she spends aimlessly on clothes and blabbers of how foolish she was for overspending; She loves you. Of course she loves you.

And also, if she lies to you that she's going to bed earlier on, when she's actually all awake, writing how much she loves you here.

Wonder no more.

She obviously loves you.

Never less. Always more.

How I spent my winter break.

Tajuk tak boleh nak American lagi ke kan? Hehe. So yea, cuti semester telah menghadirkan dirinya. Mula-mula excited sebab dapat rest lepas tu bosan tak hingat punya. Nak kerja, parents tak kasi. Macam best pulak bila member-member time cuti ada plan and buat part-time job.

Taklah bosan sangat kan. Experience dapat. Duit dapat.

Lepastu, yang member perempuan yang market-market tu kena ngorat atau kena kacau dengan strangers.

Bukanla aku nak cakap aku suka pulak dingorat atau dikacau dengan manusia macam ni kan.

(Ces. Pura-pura je tu)

Tapi lagi ok kot kalau macam tu. Tak macam aku, daripada duduk rumah sorang-sorang time siang atau malam.

Tapi . . . . still kena kacau.

Magic bukan?

The best part is, bukan kena kacau dengan makhluk Tuhan paling seksi macam Azwin Andy ke. Josh Hartnett ke. Paling koman pun please la kasi Paul Walker.

Ini tak.

Pantang je aku duduk rumah sorang-sorang. Mulalah 'berpesta'.

Boleh pulak aku dengar bunyi tapak kaki berjalan berlegar-legar luar bilik aku sedangkan takde orang. Fast. . . slow. Fast.. and slow. Bershuffle agaknya kot? Ke Tango?

Lepas tu, siap ada bunyi cakaran belakang furniture lagi berulang kali. Bunyi orang tendang-tendang wardrobe dekat luar. C'mon 'babe'. You could do better. Pergi rent studio la kalau nak 'jamming' or nak bercaklempong sekali pun. Tak boleh tengok orang aman.

Hilang nak kena kacau dengan makhluk Tuhan yang paling seksi, dapat pulak makhluk yang tak berapa nak seksi tapi ciri-ciri misterius tetap ada.

Yang geramnya. Bila orang lain ada dekat rumah, tak nak pulak 'hiburkan' diorang.

Seram sejuk aku bila duk rumah sorang-sorang.

Aku yang kesunyian ni jugak nak dientertainkan.

Betul la kot apa omputeh cakap selama ni.

"Loneliness kills"

Edwan Cullen, meh datang. Selamatkan aku.

Tak selalu kan kau gaduh-gaduh dengan jin Melayu.